So here I am in the library again. I can't beleive that transfers are coming up again this Thursday. It blows my mind! This has by far been my favorite area so far and Bluemel is most definitely my favorite companion. We get along swimmingly. We have been teaching a bunch of people who are all having medical issues now. It stinks how things work out that way! We havn't been able to visit with our solid investigators because of it. That is ok though. We probably need to be doing other things.
I will tell you what happened yesterday...probably the worst experience and one that will stay with me for the rest of my life in a positive way. In fact I am thinking about a career to help these things. I don't know if I have written about this, but we visit a lady that lives in an old folks home. Every time we go there I swear she is worse off. Maybe up in her head maybe not. I have no idea how long she has been there, but she flat out cried to us and told us how much she hates it in there. How everyone treats her like a crazy person and how her kids never visit her and how she has nothing to do. She basically just said she was just waiting in there to die. She prayed like all the time, but no relief ever came. She said that if she had to stay in there much longer she would have to kill herself. This upset me a ton. Because she reminded me of grandmother, I am so glad that grandmother got to stay with the family up to the end and didn't get banished into one of these prisons. We just let her rant forever. I held her hand for over an hour as she cried and continued to say how miserable it was. Suddenly she yelled I can't take this anymore I have to leave! She got up put her shoes on (which couldn't have been a small feet and attempted to walk out. I told her to sit down in her wheelchair and perhaps we could go sit outside with her. I asked the nurse for permission (I hate this nurse by the way. He doesn't even listen to her. He just goes in and gives her icecream like all the time to make her be quiet). He agreed anyway and I rolled her out. This was not a very bright thing for me to do. But, I was shaken at the time and I just wanted to cheer her up. My companion was shaken up and he didn't stop me either. I took her outside just right outside the place and she apparently thought I was trying to help her escape. She told me to let go of the chair I explained to her that I could not let her just go. We could get in trouble and she would no doubt die or be in a very serious condition. She wasn't having it. When I refused to let go she stood up I told her to sit back down and kind of took her in a little circle in front of the home. I sat with her for a little while and when I refused to let her take off by herself and wouldn't let go of the chair she started hitting me and yelling at me to let her go. I was in tears. What the crap was I suppose to do. We called the nurses back in and they dismissed us from the grounds. I fear we are never allowed back there and I feel angry at myself for my foolishness. But she was in so much pain and distress. She takes medication that screws with her mind the doctor told me. WHY DOES SHE NEED THAT MEDICATION? To make it so she can't think and can't do things on her own but disables her to be put in a bed and slowly decay. It is not right. Why would anyone need medication like that. I will make conditions better for these people and make people aware of what happens in some of these homes it is disgusting and it makes me sick that we do that to our fellow brothers and sisters. People that are pretty much vegtables and don't know any better is one thing. But, a soul that can think for themselves that has nothing to do and is slowly just waiting to die is another. It makes me sick. The nurse said they would call the family and see if better arrangements could be made. I hope I don't get the church in trouble for doing that. But man it is sick. I prayed for a long time for forgivness if I did anything wrong that would hurt his church. I don't know, it haunts me. None of my family members ever have to worry about ending up in a place like that as long as I am around. I swear by it.
I don't really have anything else to say. I am pretty riled up now. It is not right. Not right at all to just abandon people like that and don't even take time to visit. Not right at all.
Weird letter sorry. Work is going ok. We are teaching a part member family's daughter in law now. Pretty cool she's awesome.
Anyway, love you guys.
Elder Cameron Zabriskie
